“My name is Daisy Mae Lewis and I am here today to talk to you about something that is very disturbing. Concerning UFOs, yes, you heard me correctly. I want to talk to you about unusually fancy omelets.
What was once a simple and delicious breakfast food has been turned into something served to kings and queens for something called, “brunch” and I am here to tell you that this needs to stop!
Omelets are supposed to be easy to make. You crack a few eggs, beat in some cheese and a pinch of salt and pepper, and then you dump it in the frying pan. Easy! But NO! Someone one had to go an ruin the simplicity of omelets.
We must stand and fight against these unusually fancy omelets. We must put an end to brunch.”
“Daisy Mae, what are you doing?” Little Davy asked his big sister.
“Go away, Davy. I’m making a PSA vlog.”
Little Davy looked really confused. “If you say so.”
As he turned to leave, Daisy Mae lifted up a tri-fold board and set it up behind her so the people on the other side of her computer screen could see it. Then she continued talking.
“Sorry for the interruption folks.” Motioning to the display. “As you can see, this is what a normal omelet looks like.” She pointed at the big picture in the center of her tri-fold board.
The omelet was folded perfectly in half, lightly browned, and sprinkled with what appeared to be shredded cheddar cheese. Daisy Mae hesitated for a moment as she stared at the image of perfection. When she realized she was beginning to drool, she wiped at her chin and then went back to the camera.
“People are trying to ruin omelets for everyone by making them complicated. There is nothing complicated about eggs with a bit of cheese. Have a look see what I am talking about.” Pointing at other pictures on the board with a long collapsible metal pointer, she continued. “Exhibit A: Blackberry and Brie Omelets. Sure, it is still eggs and cheese but BLACKBERRIES?! WHAT KIND OF MADNESS IS THIS!? Who in their right mind would mix berries with eggs and cheese? YUCK!”
“Exhibit B:,” she continued. “Chicken liver omelet. That is just disgusting! How could some ruin eggs by adding chicken livers? That is just wrong!”
She stopped, shuttered, and fought the urge to vomit at the thought of chicken livers. Then she continued to the next pictures.
“Exhibit C: Open face pizza omelet. Listen, folks, these are omelets, NOT pizza. If you want pizza, eat a slice of pizza, not a tomato sauce drenched omelet. Come on now, people can’t seriously enjoy…”
Pausing for a minute to listen, “Daisy Mae, it’s almost time for breakfast, I’m making omelets,” her mother called from the kitchen downstairs.
“Coming, mom!” She shouted downstairs then going back to the camera. “Well, that’s all I have time for folk. Remember, keep omelets the simple breakfast food they should be. NO MORE UFOs! NO MORE UFOs! Daisy Mae, signing off!”
She turned off the camera, uploaded the video to her vlog “Daisy Mae Speaks” then she ran downstairs.
When she reached the kitchen, you saw a beautiful breakfast spread waiting for her on the table. Toast, bacon, fresh fruit, and that was when she saw it…
“Mom!” She shouted, causing her mother to nearly drop the full plate of food she was holding. “What is that?!”
“Goodness, Daisy Mae. You scared me. What is what?” Her mother asked sitting down at the table to eat.
“That,” said Daisy Mae with a look of utter disgust on her face.
“It’s an omelet, honey. Now sit down an eat. You’re going to be late for school.”
“Mom! Omelets are eggs and cheese browned to perfection with a pinch of salt and pepper for flavor. That is NOT an omelet.”
Laughing a little at Daisy Mae’s seriousness, “Oh honey, it’s a new recipe I found in my Housewife’s Monthly magazine. Sit down and try it. It has chopped tomatoes, spinach, bacon, and mushrooms. Sit, it’s delicious.”
“What about the cheese? There’s no cheese? Why is there no cheese?” At this point, Daisy Mae was panicked.
“It wasn’t part of the recipe. But you can add a dollop of sour cream if you like. I find it to be quite satisfying.”
At those words, Daisy Mae ran upstairs to update her vlog on the dangers of UFOs and how they had corrupted her family and needed to be stopped.
Copyright May 2018