Solving the Unsolvable

chicken egg.jpg

“I’ve done it!”

“Oh, Bill. What are you yammering on about this time?”

With apparent frustration at Mary’s question, “I have finally figured out how to answer all of the world’s unanswered questions!”

“Yeah. And Donald Trump is going to save the world. That’s great, honey. Stop with all this nonsense, come and eat your dinner.”

You simple minded human. “Yes, mother. I’m coming.”

Later that night, in the barn on the backside of the property Bill is banging away and talking to his cat, Einstein.

“You know, when I am finally able to answer the world’s greatest questions, we can finally leave this dumpy town.”

Pausing for a moment, “What do you think about Yale or Harvard, Einstein?”

Einstein hissed and growled.

“Okay, fine. Maybe we can go to Oxford or Cambridge?”

Einstein turned up nose and proceeded to clean his anal area.

“Those are some of the best universities in the world. When I am able to answer all of their questions, I can get a job at any one of them!”

Einstein continued to clean himself.

Far off in the distance, “Bill, come inside! It’s time for bed!”

Later that night as Bill is lost in his slumberous dreamland, a flash of bright light appears in the barn only inches away from the concoction that Bill had started building. There stood in the midst of the barn a 40-year-old Bill and robo-Einstein.

Me-ow, cried robo-Einstein in his robotic cat voice.

“I know, buddy. You are right. I will discover this eventually. But if I can just prevent the unforgettable events of high school that still torture me to this day from ever happening, the world will be a better place. I am just going to help myself along with a little. After all, I was only missing one key component to actually make the machine work 15 years earlier.”

Letting out a low metallic growl, robo-Einstein walked away disapprovingly.

“I know you don’t approve of this but nobody asked you. You ungrateful beast wannabe.”

Continuing to talk to himself, “Once I answer the question who killed Kennedy by finding the missing evidence. I will be famous ten years earlier! Then I can get on to living the luxurious life filled with scientific discoveries, useful inventions and enough grant and research money to live ten lifetimes. At this rate, I will discover how to live ten lifetimes within the next five years. After all, I have recently built this time machine which has proven to be useful. Okay, that should do it. The missing part is installed and with a few more tweaks that 13-year-old me can manage, this baby will be ready to roll.”

To the robotic cat, “Come on, boy. Let’s go home.”

The next night, 13-year-old Bill was back in the old barn working away. He didn’t even notice the addition his future self had made to his machine. And within a few hours, it was finished!

“I’ve done it!” Bill announced to the darkness surrounding his workspace in the barn. “Einstein, it’s finished! What should we do first?”

At that moment, Einstein walked into the barn with a red chicken feather hanging from his whiskers. He had obviously been in the chicken pen again tantalizing those poor birds.

“That’s it! You are brilliant, Einstein!”

The cat walked over to his spot in the barn with his head held high, plopped down and began to clean his face.

Bill began rapidly tapping away at the keyboard on the machine that he had borrowed from his older sister’s computer in her room. He paused for a moment and thought to himself, I can’t believe Sarah hasn’t noticed her keyboard is missing yet. Must be out with a boy again. Dumb girls.

Then he continued to type, “Which came first, the chicken or the egg?”

“Are you ready for this Einstein?” reaching down and pulling the cat into a gigantic bear hug.

The cat let out a squeak as his face was squished up against Bill’s chest.

“That’s the spirit! Let’s go!”
Bill pressed a few more buttons and said, “Zingo Presto, here we go!”

The machine rattled to life with a thunderous sound that was sure to make the walls of the decrepit barn collapse. Then with a swift poof, they were gone. Transported back to a time that as near as Bill could tell was prehistoric.

“It worked! Where are we?”

Einstein was frozen in what appeared to be a petrified state from the sudden transport from one time period to another.

“Look! What is that?”

In the distance, Bill could see a large metal object that resembles something similar to what people call a flying saucer. On the side, there was a ramp and walking down the ramp, Bill could see two cats carrying a kitten, two frogs carrying a bowl of tadpoles, and finally two chickens carrying an egg. After the chickens walked out, a voice that sounded like it came from a loudspeaker announced: “Go therefore and multiply!”

“Well, that’s interesting. Einstein, it seems that the chicken and the egg arrived on this planet at the same time. I guess I will have to invent a Tardis to figure out where they came from before they came to earth.”

The cat, still in a frozen state, let out another squeak, this time of disapproval and fear.

To be continued…

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