I rush inside and close the door quickly behind me turning the lock as I kick off my shoes. I run to the windows and make sure that they are locked up tight and pull the curtains closed. Walking over to the couch, I throw myself down and allow every tense muscle in my body to relax all at once.
I continue sitting on the couch just staring at the concrete shell that is my apartment. I spend most of my time in the central room; four ugly, cold, white concrete walls stretch up to meet the equally ugly, white ceiling. There are no windows in this rooms that lead to the outside which means there is no natural light in here, making the room colder, darker and more depressing.
None of that really matters because I am safe here; no one can reach me; no can do me harm. With access to the things necessary for writing, food, water and a bathroom, I could stay here for weeks. Forgetting that I am not the only human being on the planet, the stress of things outside, the evils of this world, I don’t have to worry about those things when I am locked inside these four walls.
I don’t have to feel lonely here because I have my cat and many things to occupy my time. I can read books, doodle terrible pictures, and spend hours and hours writing about anything and everything I can imagine. Life is simple inside these four concrete walls, as long as the things outside don’t try to creep their way into my haven, all is well.
Sadly, I cannot stay inside forever. I haven’t been locked away and no one has thrown away the key. The real world is calling and I have to get back to living life with other people. I have responsibilities, a job, and people who depend on me, even when sometimes I feel that I am not needed. Though I want to stay, I being dragged, kicking and screaming, away from my protective concrete walls and into the light of a new day. I don’t know what’s waiting for me and I don’t know the troubles that I may go through but I will put a smile on my face and remember, I can always come back to the four ugly, cold, white walls at the end of the day.
Facing the things that life throws my way isn’t always fun and some days, I think I would be content living in a padded cell, forgotten by everyone. Today just happens to be one of those days. In the end, I won’t give up, I will never give up. Fighting to live a life worth living, though often very difficult, is always better than sitting in a padded cell or surrounded by four concrete walls waiting for this life to be over.
Find your purpose and life, don’t hide away in fear because living a life in fear isn’t really live at all.
Copyright October 2016